. The FBI orders a pie -->
"So what you're telling me is that you're a Fed in a psych ward ordering slices for everyone? Uh huh, well I'd love to help you out, pal, but our rocket jetpacks are all being repaired."
"Just in case you think the FBI is not on the job, I have received a true intercept (and this is not made up...it is not Saturday Night Live) that the FBI made of itself while conducting an investigation in San Diego. It was sent to me by a friend of mine who used to be with counterintelligence in Washington. It is called "The FBI Pizza Call."
FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital."
Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda." Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?" Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital." Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?" Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent." Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?" Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is." Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?" Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas." Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?" Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?" Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?" Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving." Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?" Agent: "I have my checkbook right here." Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?" Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked." Pizza Man: "I don't think so."
--Click--
Editor's P{resence of Mind
EDITORS- PRESENCE OF MIND ............... by Tom Mc Gorray
"I am writing in response to SAMBA's and the Society's request for additional information concerning my recent accident. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You ask in your letter that I explain more fully. As you know I am the Tucson Newsletter Editor and on the day of the accident I was working alone in my computer room, which is on the 80th floor. When I had completed the July issue, I discovered that I had over 300 lbs of articles, poems, jokes, etc. that our members had sent to me for inclusion into the Newsletter. Rather than carry all of this paper down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley.
"Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top floor and loaded the Bulletins etc. into the barrel. I went back to the ground and untied the rope holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300lbs of paper. I think you should know that I weigh 210 lbs at the time of the accident.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the high rise. In the vicinity of the 40th floor, I met my barrel of Bulletins; this explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley."
Fortunately, by this time, I had gained my presence of mind and was able to hold on to the rope in spite of the pain. At approximately the same time, the barrel of Bulletins hit the ground and the Bulletins fell out. Devoid of the weight of the Bulletins, the empty barrel now weighed only 20 lbs. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the high rise. In the vicinity of the 40th floor I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fracture ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.."
"The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lesson my injuries when I fell on to the pile of Bulletins, and fortunately only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I'm sorry to report to the Society, however, that as I lay there on the Bulletins, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 floors above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope."
Candidate's for National Office 96-97
CANDIDATES FOR NATIONAL OFFICE - 1996-1997
.PRESIDENT-ELECT John G. Devine, Richard F. McCarthy
SECRETARY; Jerry Emmons,. Gordon W. McGinley
MEMBER AT LARGE Sean W. McWeeney, Arthur P. Roehrl
NORTH CENTRAL VP Alfred J. Hefferman, Arnold J. "Jack" Kuta
SOUTH CENTRAL VP William P. Carter, Robert J.. Nelson
SOUTHEAST VP George J. Foster, George R Steel
King Arthur
In days of old, when knights were bold,
And auto's were not driven.
When micro chips, did not do flips,
And Mac's weren't even liven.
That was the time, of verse & rhyme,
Of horse and sword and maiden,
No bites-no bytes, no desktop fights,
No software disk a trad' in.
They knew no fear, of virus near,
Of printers just delay'in.
No hypercard, out in the yard,
No data base for pray'in.
No agents close, no tales morose,
No airplanes in the sky.
Just motherhood, and all that's good
And yes - No FBI.
No ram to yield, no spreadsheet field,
No data bases able...
Just Pure and Good, and Robin Hood,
King Arthur's nice round table.
Background Investigation Contract Service
BACKGROUND INVESTIGATION CONTRACT SERVICE OF THE FBI - (BICS)
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) conducts personnel-type background investigation (BIs) for the Legislative, Executive and Judicial branches of the United States Government. Not infrequently, these investigations have been undertaken to determine a candidate or applicant's suitability for a highly sensitive Federal position. Traditionally this important work has been completed by FBI Special Agents (Ass). In recent times the number of BIs has dramatically increased and drained Agent resources from other high priority matters.
In 1889, the FBI implemented a contract service program to perform BIs and free Ass for assignment to other kinds of investigations. Consequently, the Background Investigation Contract Service (BICS) Program was initiated and today is the premier program of its kind. When fully established it will conduct all FBI BIs throughout the United States and Puerto Rico. This ambitious undertaking will annually manage thousands of investigations utilizing the services of former Federal Investigators drawn from a large pool of highly qualified individuals for the contract Special Investigators (SI) position.
A qualified candidate for contract SI must be a former Federal Investigator, possess a valid driver's license, facsimile machine and have demonstrated experience specifically in security and background investigations, as well as experience in conducting criminal or other types of Federal investigations.
Candidates for the contract SI position with BICS must be found qualified for the Top Secret clearance through a BI conducted as part of the application process. As part of the application process, potential SIs are required to complete a bid form known as a a Request for Quotation, furnished by the FBI's Procurement Unit. If the bid for hourly reimbursement is found acceptable then the candidate may be selected for a personal interview to further evaluate his or her qualifications for the SI position. The decision by BICS to utilize the services of a qualified potential SI is based on the needs of the program and the availability of the candidate to perform contract investigations when and where needed by the FBI.
When an SI is associated with BICs, an Individual NON-Personal Service Contract or Purchase Order is issued, in accord with the Federal Acquisition Regulations, which provides for an annual earning cap of $25,000. Each SI is required to participate in an orientation program before being given investigative assignments. During the orientation security briefings are given, investigator credentials (stating the named individual is a Special Investigator for the FBI) are issued and a Guide for Conducting and Reporting FBI Background Investigations is furnished. SIs are also furnished with appropriate reporting forms, invoices, and voucher materials.
Prior to assigning a new case to an SI, a BICS representative estimates the total number of investigative hours necessary to complete the BI. This takes into consideration administrative time needed to prepare notes, communications of leads to other FBI offices and dictation of the final report. Reports prepared by SIs are monitored for quality and adherence to format requirements and principles. Scheduled audits are done to verify that investigative standards are being maintained.
Following review of final investigative reports for completeness, vouchers are approved for payment. Mileage is reimbursed at the current Government approved rate. Per diem and travel expenses are paid by the FBI at rates authorized in the uniform Government Travel Regulations. Payments are made either by check or by wire through the Treasury Financial Communications System, at the option of the Government. This normally takes approximately thirty days from the date a voucher is approved for payment.
If you are qualified and wish to make application for the BICS SI position, please submit a resume to: FBI, Attention BICS SI Recruiter, 7799 Leesburg Pike, Suite 200, South Tower, Falls Church, VA 22043. Consistent with the needs of the BICS program you will be contacted for further processing and consideration.
TWA Case
The FBI said it was conducting ``a criminal investigation'' into the explosion that destroyed TWA Flight 800 and was not ruling out either terrorism or an accident as the cause. But a persistent wave of media reports and official comments indicated that investigators had zeroed in on the theory that the plane carrying 230 people was brought down by an act of sabotage.
CBS radio reported investigators were convinced there was no other explanation for the crash other than a bomb. At an afternoon news briefing for reporters, James Kallstrom, head of the FBI's New York office, said ``we're looking at this as a criminal investigation.'' The Boeing 747 exploded in mid-air and plunged into the Atlantic off Long Island, shortly after taking off from John F. Kennedy International Airport bound for Paris. All 230 passengers and crew on board were killed.
FBI Criticises White House
An FBI inquiry sharply criticised the Clinton White House for improperly obtaining more than 400 sensitive FBI background files in a serious invasion of privacy, FBI Director Louis Freeh said. The White House said President Bill Clinton took responsibility for the incident, which took place in 1993 and 1994.
Freeh, announcing the results of a week-long FBI investigation into the escalating controversy, said the inquiry found ``egregious violations of privacy'' had occurred. He said the FBI had failed to safeguard the files adequately against ``negligent or intentional misuse,'' and ordered the FBI to adopt immediately sweeping reforms aimed at preventing future abuses.
`The prior system of providing files to the White House relied on good faith and honour. Unfortunately, the FBI and I were victimised. I promise the American people that it will not happen again on my watch,'' he said in a statement. Freeh said the FBI determined that the White House had requested and received 408 files ``without justification'' in 1993 and 1994. It previously had been known that the White House obtained confidential FBI files on about 330 people, including a number of prominent Republicans.
The White House provided reporters with a list of the additional names, most of whom were staffers unknown to the general public. Freeh's report had only been out a few minutes when the White House announced that from now on all background checks had to be approved by the person being investigated. It also released a sworn statement by Craig Livingstone, the director of the office of personnel security, that no improper use of the files had been made. Clinton said he would never condone the compiling of an ``enemies list'' and said he was sorry the White House had obtained the files.
But Republicans, including Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole, have compared the incident to the infamous ``enemies list'' gathered by President Richard Nixon's White House in the early 1970s. Freeh said the results of the FBI inquiry were being given to Whitewater special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, who is investigating the White House travel office affair.
FBI Top Ten Caught by Internet One of the 10 most wanted fugitives in the United States was arrested in Guatemala after an Internet user recognized his picture on the FBI's home page, a federal agent said.
Escaped bank robber Leslie Isben Rogge, 56, surrendered at the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala City, said Paul Philip, special agent in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation's (FBI) office in Miami. Rogge was flown to Miami, where he is scheduled to appear before a federal magistrate on charges of bank robbery, interstate transport of stolen property and wire fraud.
Philip said it was the first time the FBI home page on the World Wide Web had led to the surrender of a top 10 fugitive. An unidentified ``net surfer'' in Guatemala saw Rogge's photograph on the web site and notified authorities that Rogge was living in the country, prompting an extensive search by the Guatemalan National Police and U.S. Diplomatic Security personnel, Philip said. ``Rogge, feeling the intense pressure, decided to surrender,'' Philip said.
The FBI ``Wanted'' advertisement described Rogge as dangerous and warned the public he might be armed. It also provided in-depth information on his past, including features such as tattoos as well as a string of aliases he had used. Rogge was convicted of armed robbery and escaped from federal custody in Moscow, Idaho, in 1985. Over the next six years he was charged with bank robberies in El Dorado, Arkansas; Highpoint, North Carolina;, and Webb City, Missouri.
He was put on the FBI's list of Top 10 Most Wanted Fugitives in 1990.
SPY MAN-Intel
Guillermo ''Bill'' Gaede was a highly trusted, well-paid project engineer for Intel Corp. in Chandler. But for nearly a decade, Gaede led a second life, that of a crafty technology spy. He claims to have turned over sensitive microprocessor secrets from at least two U.S. computer giants to Cubans, Iranians and Chinese. What he stole was worth up to $20 million, authorities say. Now, as the details of Gaede's secret life continue to unfold, they are threatening to publicly embarrass the FBI and create ill will between the agency and Intel, which is upset that some of its confidential Pentium and 486 computer specifications may have ended up in the hands of competitors or foreign governments.
'The FBI is trying to sweep this thing under the rug,'' Gaeby said by phone from the Santa Clara County Jail. ''But the rug isn't big enough.'' Gaede, 43, a native of Argentina and a permanent U.S. resident alien, was sentenced June 24 to 33 months in federal prison for stealing secrets from Intel. The one-time communist says he spied mostly for ideology, not for money, and now is ready to pay his debt to society.
But at the same time, he has begun a quiet campaign of sorts against the FBI, which he says left him out in the cold by leaking details of his counterespionage activities to security officials with California-based Advanced Micro Devices Inc., his employer from 1979-1992, and Intel, where he worked from 1993-94. Gaede says that shortly before he started at Intel, he was working clandestinely for the FBI. While under the agency's supervision, Gaede says, the government looked the other way as he stole sensitive information from Intel, which he planned to trade for military secrets from double-dealing agents of Cuba's intelligence service. What the FBI apparently didn't know was that Gaede took out an insurance policy: He made video and audio tapes of his numerous meetings and phone conversations with agents to prove that he was working with the FBI. ''You're never safe when you're in this business,'' Gaede said. ''It's a tough business to be in.
''You're paranoid about your security when you work with the FBI and CIA. If you're not paranoid, you're dead.'' Until last week, the FBI was not discussing any associations it might have had with Gaede. But that changed after ABC-TV's 'Nightline' broadcast a report Thursday night and disclosed some of the audio and video tapes Gaede says he made at meetings with FBI agents in Austin and Phoenix. On Friday, the FBI's office in Washington, D.C., issued a statement that Gaede offered the agency ''information regarding a counter intelligence matter'' unrelated to the Intel case. It declined to say what the matter involved. The agency said it never authorized Gaede to steal Intel's computer specs and ''did not promise him immunity from prosecution if he broke the law.'' The FBI said it reimbursed Gaede $607.16 for expenses incurred in gathering the counterintelligence information he gave the agency. Court documents show that in 1992, the FBI became aware that Gaede had for years stolen sensitive computer information from AMD and passed it to the Cuban government. Gaede says that from 1985 to 1992, he was a communist revolutionary who idolized Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.
George Grotz, an agent with the San Francisco FBI office, hinted that the FBI investigated Gaede for crimes he may have committed while working for AMD. On three occasions, he said, the agency presented information on what it said was Gaede's criminal conduct to the Department of Justice, which declined to file charges. 'I don't want to debate Gaede through the press,'' Grotz said. ''Suffice it to say that Gaede has made some intemperate remarks in the past. We may have something to say about that further on down the road.'' The FBI also said that it informed Intel's security office about Gaede's checkered background before he was hired by the company's Chandler operation in 1993. Intel officials, however, dispute that the FBI ever provided any background on Gaede. 'We knew that he had worked at AMD,'' Intel spokesman Howard High said. ''We didn't know that he had stolen materials from AMD. In fact, the first time we ever learned that he had stolen things from us was when AMD quickly turned them back over to us.''
AMD could not be reached for comment. A company operator said the company's administrative offices are closed until July 5. Gaede's fall from grace began in September, when FBI agents arrested him and searched his comfortable, upper-middle-class home in Mesa. Gaede said he had been keeping a low profile, staying in Colombia and Argentina since June 1994, when he was fired by Intel. Soon after his arrest, a federal grand-jury indictment was unsealed in San Jose, charging Gaede with mail fraud and interstate transportation of stolen goods. He made a plea deal with federal prosecutors in March. He says he was approached in jail on two separate occasions by strangers who ''recommended'' that he plead guilty.
In sentencing Gaede last week, U.S. District Judge Ronald Whyte said he wanted to give the admitted felon a much stiffer sentence, but agreed to follow the recommendations of federal prosecutors in San Jose, who made a lenient plea deal with Gaede. He could have been given up to 15 years. Whyte, who dubbed Gaede the most intelligent defendant to ever walk into his courtroom, also recommended that Gaede be allowed to complete his sentence at a minimum- security prison in Arizona so he can be close to his wife and children in Mesa.
Federal prosecutors will not say specifically why they recommended such a light sentence. They will only say that Gaede has cooperated fully in the Intel case. Gaede's federal indictment stemmed from allegations that he videotaped computer screens displaying Intel's 486 and Pentium microprocessor manufacturing specifications, fled to Argentina and mailed three tapes to AMD, one of Intel's biggest competitors. The government put a value of $10 million to $20 million on the information Gaede compromised, but Gaede was not ordered to make restitution for any damages he may have caused. Although Gaede has admitted to making tapes of computer screens detailing Intel's manufacturing specs, he still insists that he never passed them along to AMD, nor did he ever mail any packages to AMD. He says the government set him up.
Gaede's life as a computer spy is outlined in a 10-page report of two days of interviews in August 1992 with FBI agents in the Austin FBI office. Although he made several contacts with the Cuban government dating back to the mid-1970s, Gaede's espionage activity began in 1985. At the time an avowed communist, Gaede told FBI agents that he visited the Cuban Interest Section at the Czech Embassy in Washington and offered to spy for the Cubans. For the next several years, he says, he stole ''literally carloads'' of AMD technical materials, manuals, flow charts, schematics and other information that dealt primarily with integrated circuit design and manufacture. He then turned over these materials to his Cuban ''handlers'' in clandestine meetings in several Mexican border cities.
Gaede told the FBI that the information he provided to the Cubans enabled them to duplicate AMD design and production capabilities at a plant in Pinar del Rio, Cuba. Production from the plant was marketed in Brazil, Argentina, and East Germany, he said.
But in mid-1992, Gaede says, he became disenchanted with Castro's repressive regime and paid a visit to the CIA headquarters in Langley, Va., where he confessed to spying for Havana and agreed to use his Cuban contacts to work for the U.S. government. The CIA handed him off to the FBI's counterintelligence unit in Austin, he says, and in 1993 Gaede went to work at Intel's Chandler office. From that point on, however, he says he planned to use the sensitive Intel computer information with the blessing of the FBI to court favor with Cuban intelligence agents. In return for the Intel info, Gaede planned to obtain sensitive Cuban military information, including a list of the names of intelligence operatives working outside Cuba. But he said he never actually turned over the information to Cuban agents.
High said it's not clear, however, whether any Intel secrets actually fell into the hands of competitors or any foreign government. Gaede, however, says that he sold the same tapes that ended up at AMD to agents with the Iranian and Chinese governments when he went on the lam after he was fired from Intel.
He said he sold the tapes to ''pay back'' the FBI. High said Intel's experience with Gaede taught the company a few things. 'When we learned that he was videotaping the screens from his home, we had to readjust our security procedures,'' High said.
'But it's a balance. You want to be able to make sure people have access to the information they need to do their job. But when you do that and trust your employees and give them this information, you're vulnerable if one of those employees is not of the highest moral standards.''
The Tucson Credentials